Hey guys, sorry I haven't posted in a while! Rest assured, we'll be back in full force soon. In the meantime, has anyone out there seen this site?
It's totally gruel, by which I mean great + cool.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Sunday, April 1, 2007
L.A.M.B.: Wonder Woman #98 (DC Comics, The 90s)
Hey guys! Sorry I haven't posted in a while, but don't worry: With this one, the Short Box is back on track, because it's time to..
LOOK AT MY BOOBS!
Ha ha! Not mine, I mean! Wonder Woman's!
See, back in the '90s, comic book publishers used to use highly over-sexualized drawings of women to increase sales! Ha ha, can you believe that? Using sex to sell products? That's so wacky!
Now that I think of it, they might still be doing it today! But I'm not sure; I haven't read any comics since 1996.
Fortunately, I have a stockpile of examples for when I get lonely, and in my experience, one of the worst perpetrators (or worst titillators, ha ha ha!) is Mike Deodato! Some people might remember him from a run on Thor where he insisted on putting Asgardian goddesses in thongs, but he's probably best well known for his work on Wonder Woman, which was even more sexed-up than the standard at the time.
But heck, he is the guy who had Dr. Strange "accidentally" astral projecting himself into Elektra's shower once!
Ha ha! Get it? He's a dirty old wizard!
But anyway, back to Wonder Woman! Don't be fooled by that cover, folks: That might pass for a cleavage shot from Brian Bolland, but it doesn't hold a candle to what you get once you're inside!
Oh man! It looks like there's a big arrow pointing between her boobs! That is hysterical!
Some of you are no doubt "wondering" (ha ha, get it?) why the Wonder Woman in this comic has red hair and a drooling problem. Well, at this point in "continuity," Diana, the regular Wonder Woman, had been replaced by another Amazon called Artemis. It's sort of like that time that Superman was two guys or Batman was French, and it lasted about as long.
As for the drooling, well, I think that was just mandatory. If you ever want to know if you're reading a bad comic from the '90s, just follow the checklist:
1. Lots of hair?
Check!
2. Copious amounts of spittle?
Check!
3. Shouting about something with tiny feet at least two yards apart?
Check!
Or you can just look for it on this website! Ha ha! Doing stuff in list format makes it easier to write and easier to read!
As you can see, she not only gets Wonder Woman's job, but also her clothes, including a pair of sandals that grant the power of flight and a corset that grants the power to stand with one's shoulder blades totally perpendicular to one's ass. This leaves Diana fighting crime in a fetching ensemble composed of bike shorts, a bra with shoulder buckles, and an entirely new article of clothing I've decided to call Ab Straps.
But this issue isn't just about fashion! There's also the hint of a plot to keep things moving along: Artemis is mad at Diana because everyone still thinks of her as Wonder Woman, and so she tries to kill a crime boss and then Diana throws her through a building. That's pretty much it.
Oh, except for the part where she's put in tentacle bondage, becuase it just wouldn't be Wonder Woman without that, right?
Ha ha! Man! Comics sure were crappy back then, huh? Isn't it hysterical?!
And that brings another installment of LOOK AT MY BOOBS to a close, but before we go, since us guys have had some eye candy, here's a little bit.. for the ladies!
Ha ha! Crappy comics!!!!!
Ha ha! Not mine, I mean! Wonder Woman's!
See, back in the '90s, comic book publishers used to use highly over-sexualized drawings of women to increase sales! Ha ha, can you believe that? Using sex to sell products? That's so wacky!
Now that I think of it, they might still be doing it today! But I'm not sure; I haven't read any comics since 1996.
Fortunately, I have a stockpile of examples for when I get lonely, and in my experience, one of the worst perpetrators (or worst titillators, ha ha ha!) is Mike Deodato! Some people might remember him from a run on Thor where he insisted on putting Asgardian goddesses in thongs, but he's probably best well known for his work on Wonder Woman, which was even more sexed-up than the standard at the time.
But heck, he is the guy who had Dr. Strange "accidentally" astral projecting himself into Elektra's shower once!
Ha ha! Get it? He's a dirty old wizard!
But anyway, back to Wonder Woman! Don't be fooled by that cover, folks: That might pass for a cleavage shot from Brian Bolland, but it doesn't hold a candle to what you get once you're inside!
Oh man! It looks like there's a big arrow pointing between her boobs! That is hysterical!
Some of you are no doubt "wondering" (ha ha, get it?) why the Wonder Woman in this comic has red hair and a drooling problem. Well, at this point in "continuity," Diana, the regular Wonder Woman, had been replaced by another Amazon called Artemis. It's sort of like that time that Superman was two guys or Batman was French, and it lasted about as long.
As for the drooling, well, I think that was just mandatory. If you ever want to know if you're reading a bad comic from the '90s, just follow the checklist:
1. Lots of hair? Check!
2. Copious amounts of spittle?
Check!
3. Shouting about something with tiny feet at least two yards apart?
Check!
Or you can just look for it on this website! Ha ha! Doing stuff in list format makes it easier to write and easier to read!
As you can see, she not only gets Wonder Woman's job, but also her clothes, including a pair of sandals that grant the power of flight and a corset that grants the power to stand with one's shoulder blades totally perpendicular to one's ass. This leaves Diana fighting crime in a fetching ensemble composed of bike shorts, a bra with shoulder buckles, and an entirely new article of clothing I've decided to call Ab Straps.
But this issue isn't just about fashion! There's also the hint of a plot to keep things moving along: Artemis is mad at Diana because everyone still thinks of her as Wonder Woman, and so she tries to kill a crime boss and then Diana throws her through a building. That's pretty much it.
Oh, except for the part where she's put in tentacle bondage, becuase it just wouldn't be Wonder Woman without that, right?
Ha ha! Man! Comics sure were crappy back then, huh? Isn't it hysterical?!
And that brings another installment of LOOK AT MY BOOBS to a close, but before we go, since us guys have had some eye candy, here's a little bit.. for the ladies!
Ha ha! Crappy comics!!!!!
Saturday, April 1, 2006
Caddyshack: The Adjective
Hey guys! Sorry I haven't posted in a while, but things have been pretty crazy around here lately! Rest assured that we'll be back to our regular posting schedule very soon.
In the meantime, here's an idea I had while I was looking over the 93 comments on my post about Wonder Woman wearing a thong. What if from now on, instead of saying something was "cool," we started using the word "Caddyshack
" as a universally positive adjective? Ha ha! Wouldn't that be radical? Or should I say... Wouldn't that be Caddyshack?!?!
Rumor has it that back in the day, Brian Doyle Murray and Chevy Chase discussed this same thing happening, and that on a dark night out on the golf course, Chevy sacrificed chances of having an enduring career and a good reputation to make this very thing happen. And now I'm bringing it to you!
I know! Sometimes I can't believe how clever and hilarious I am either. But in order for this idea to bring me the mountains of fame that I totally deserve, you guys are going to have to do all the work! Why not start by using it in casual conversation with your friends or in post comments? Then you can email these images to your friends or use them in your sig files on message boards! Isn't that a totally Caddyshack idea you guys?! It's simple visual comedy using found art that EVERYONE can enjoy! Ha ha ha!
Check it out! You can use it to express your opinion about baked goods...
Or your bowling team...
Or even your favorite movie!
Ha ha! Isn't that great? You can use it almost everywhere! Just don't use it in reference to Caddyshack 2 because oddly enough, that's not Caddyshack at all.
Weird.
In the meantime, here's an idea I had while I was looking over the 93 comments on my post about Wonder Woman wearing a thong. What if from now on, instead of saying something was "cool," we started using the word "Caddyshack
" as a universally positive adjective? Ha ha! Wouldn't that be radical? Or should I say... Wouldn't that be Caddyshack?!?!Rumor has it that back in the day, Brian Doyle Murray and Chevy Chase discussed this same thing happening, and that on a dark night out on the golf course, Chevy sacrificed chances of having an enduring career and a good reputation to make this very thing happen. And now I'm bringing it to you!
I know! Sometimes I can't believe how clever and hilarious I am either. But in order for this idea to bring me the mountains of fame that I totally deserve, you guys are going to have to do all the work! Why not start by using it in casual conversation with your friends or in post comments? Then you can email these images to your friends or use them in your sig files on message boards! Isn't that a totally Caddyshack idea you guys?! It's simple visual comedy using found art that EVERYONE can enjoy! Ha ha ha!
Check it out! You can use it to express your opinion about baked goods...
Or your bowling team...
Or even your favorite movie!
Ha ha! Isn't that great? You can use it almost everywhere! Just don't use it in reference to Caddyshack 2 because oddly enough, that's not Caddyshack at all.
Weird.
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